the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
