Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
