At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
