You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
