just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
