let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
