I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
