Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
