Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
