forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
