Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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