Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
