if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
