508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
