No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
