I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
