The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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