omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Couch. On fire.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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