I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
