woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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