he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
