he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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