Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
