I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
