Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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