Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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