I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
