Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
