It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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