So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
