you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I will be naked everywhere
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
