I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
