He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
