You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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