Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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