he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
