the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
