yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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