my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
