I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
