i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
