conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
