shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
