I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
