You just made me feel so damn special
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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