I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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