did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
