I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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