ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
