Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
