i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
