In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
