The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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