We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
