FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
