What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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