My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize