Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
