please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
