Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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