I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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