is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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