i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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