I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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