Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
they need to just BURY HIM!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
