Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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