My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
