whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
