Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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