First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
